I really was born at 9:29 AM on 9/29
You think I’m lying but I’m being dead serious
(I’m gonna see this birth certificate)
OK
I’ll prove it

Well who am I? I’m almost 25
Can’t remember half the time that I’ve been alive
‘Cause half was in a cheap apartment
And half was on the Eastside

They said, “Don’t meet your heroes
They’re all fucking weirdos”
And God knows that they were right
Because nobody loves you, they just try to fuck you
Then put you on a feature on the B-side
And who do you call when it’s late at night
When the headlines just don’t paint the picture right
When you look at yourself on a screen and say
“Oh my God, there’s no way that’s me.”

And I, I quit smoking, well recently I tried
And I bought another house and I never go outside
And I remember this girl with pink hair in Detroit
Well she told me
She said, “Ashley you gotta promise us that you won’t die
‘Cause we need you” and honestly I think that she lied
And I remember the names of every single kid I’ve met
But I forget half the people who I’ve gotten in bed

And I’ve stared at the sky in Milwaukee
And hoped that my father would finally call me
And it’s just these things that I’m thinking for hours
And I’m picking my hair out in clumps in the shower
I lost the love of my life to an ivory powder
But then I realise that I’m no higher power

That I wasn’t in love then and I’m still not now
And I’m so happy I figured that out
I’ve got a long way to go until self-preservation
Think my moral compass is on a vacation
And I can’t believe I still feed my fucking temptation
And I’m still looking for my salvation

Soft and slow, watch the minutes go
Count out loud so we know you don’t keep ’em for yourself
Watch the minutes go
Count out loud so we know you don’t keep ’em for yourself

I’ve really got a confession to make
(So we know you don’t)
…to see that I was really born at 9:26
I saw my birth certificate and I’m a liar
And I’m a fucking liar

Soft and slow, watch the minutes go
Count out loud so we know you don’t keep ’em for yourself